did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
