1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
