grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
