imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
