after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
