you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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