Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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