Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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