this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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