Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
