Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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