It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
