she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I can text with my tongue
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
babies were throwing up all over the place
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
