evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize