I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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