And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We left the knife in your bed.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
