i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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