so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize