Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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