Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I understand Curling. That high.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize