i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
