last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize