The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
