you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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