Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
