i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
