I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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