I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
