Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
