There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My bed is full of blood and feathers
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
