The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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