so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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