Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Less talking, more tequila
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
