lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
