just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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