I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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