24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize