When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
