Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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