how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
