I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
