I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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