Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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