One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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