just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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