here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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