It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
