yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
