Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
