PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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