I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
