FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
