I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
