Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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