4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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