Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
