so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
