I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
