K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
