If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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