How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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