My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
