if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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