I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
