My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
