just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
