i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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