I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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