Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
