i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize