"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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