He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
