I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she pinky promised me she was 18
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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