Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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