Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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