She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
