I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
