I am in a vortex of obligation.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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