TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
