one might say we're banned from that church
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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