he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
