Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
