Even the bartender felt bad for me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Drake has all the answers
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
