haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
