ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
