You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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